i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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