no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
