The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
