I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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