Can i not drive my cunt home
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
