considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
