There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
