She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you š
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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