Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
