I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
