She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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