pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
