Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
