naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
