remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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