so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
