ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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