some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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