i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You're like the curious george of whores
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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