i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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