he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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