Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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