Kareoke will never be a sober sport
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
