There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
