I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
People with herpes should wear stickers.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
