Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
