They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
