Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
