mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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