if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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