I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
is that a dick in a sweater?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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