So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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