Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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