My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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