My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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