Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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