Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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