Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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