Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
