That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize