I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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