dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
