Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
