You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
