I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
