did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
