It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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