You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
