Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
