you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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