i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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