the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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