checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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