If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
