Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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