On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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