i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
