Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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