just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
