i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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