it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
