no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
