I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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