also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize