winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize