He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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