how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
