It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
