Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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