Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
well you can't waste a boner
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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