Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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