return my video game
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
