i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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