I faked an abortion last night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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