your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
