It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
