my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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