He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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