Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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