New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize