I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
