dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
