he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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