"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
